h o w s u n ((:

DAY & DATE : Wednesday, November 21, 2012

AH HAH!

I think many of my friends think that this blogspot is no longer in use,

I mean, look at the last post, it's dated 2011 !!!

BUT, something that's not deleted is not gone, doesn't mean it won't revive.

Actually, i'm here because I was reading some blogs that is under blogspot.

So, like decided to give this blog, which followed me throughout my teenage years, a post.

Not saying I'm an adult, but i'm growing to become one.

Things have been pretty messed up.

Shall not elaborate here, but you know, knowing the general view would be good enough for you,

I mean, knowing what happens to me does you no benefits right ?

hah, so yeah, no, things are not going well.

BUT, on a happy note,

I'm very happy for my beloved BFF :)

It's so sweet, and comforting,

and I really hope you are happy and be blessed and showered with love :)

hehehe. TOO SWEET AH!

how about this ?!
HOWSUN ROCK!
DON'T YOU AGREE ?! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SAY YEA !
howsun finish jotting down his notes at 12:16 AM

DAY & DATE : Sunday, May 08, 2011

WARNING :

this post consists of mere whining and complains and

it is highly encouraged that you do not continue if you can't stand

whiners and concentrated emotional issues, like me.

let's begin.

i just started watching glee recently.

it is a super good show :)

hehe, i like heather morris. she's so funny!

okay, maybe bimbos just appeals to me.

but, glee makes me emo.

gleemo.

everytime they start singing those songs about imperfections,

regarding families, relationships, friends, self-esteem, sexuality, differences and all,

never fail to make me tear.

okay, correction, cry.

i literally started weeping if it's really emotional.

i just can't help it,

it's as if they are singing the song for me,

singing how i feel.

like i feel like them.

especially those love songs,

i always relate better to the one who's singing the song, or rather, the one 'suffering' in the relation.

well, i wish i was stronger.

i almost wanted to go changi to watch the airplanes fly.

but then like abit far, so i was thinking,

maybe go esplanade there to watch the sky.

aiya, was thinking of some soul searching.

don't even know who i am now.

i always secretly hope someone's watching over me.

someone would take care of me.

someone would text me.

someone who would talk to me.

i think almost all the time i am the one who starts a text conversation :(

okay, you know that when i received your text,

i was so happy i could die.

and it almost made me crazy,

because you texted first.

thank you for the text.

i hope you have been fine.

eh, i mean you would have been.

rest well.

THIS LYRICS IS FOR YOU!

heart-felt. 100%.

I’ve been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I’ve kissed your lips a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you’re looking for?

I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You’re all I’ve ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide
‘Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much, I love you …

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again how much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello, I’ve just got to let you know

‘Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven’t got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you …

Hello, is it me you’re looking for?
‘Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven’t got a clue
But let me start by saying … I love you

-
can i ask ?
do i always look angry ?
i hope i don't scare you! haha, i don't bite.
but i want to quote from mercedes :
It's called being sassy!

:D
-
Had i known how i would feel about you,
how i would end up in this stage again,
how i have to be so dependent on you,
how i know it's not going to happen,
how i know you have no feelings for me at all,
I hope you didn't come into my life in the first place.
-
I just read one of the funniest conversation i've "heard/seen" in my life.
Iezah and her friend owned it!
it's so funny, i had to hold my laughter cause my dad's beside me!
he will think i'm crazy if he sees me in that laughter i didn't control!
-
okay, my drive to continue blogging just died.
because i feel so much better after talking to iezah! :D
thank you!
-
howsun
May 08
11.14 PM

how about this ?!
HOWSUN ROCK!
DON'T YOU AGREE ?! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SAY YEA !
howsun finish jotting down his notes at 7:22 AM

DAY & DATE : Thursday, May 05, 2011

DANCE

yeah, my interest.

i want to dance well.

i think i used to.

at least, i can do well in para para.

now, i feel rusty and old.

like a robot. still trying to perform.

i don't know what's wrong with me.

should practice more.

was reading some blog just now.

it got me quite sad,

how people we know, those around us, some that are pretty close to us,

just have it the harder way.

and us, who are better to do,

whine at the smallest stuff like it's the end of the world,

but people go through more.

so don't complain you little prince and princess.

haha.

i was watching a show the other day.

my dad was acting like he was asleep on the sofa,

apparently he failed. caught him watching the show also.

my mum was sitting at the massage chair, watching the show.

and me, eating my noodle, acting like i don't give a damn about the show.

( and of course, i acted pretty well, seemed like i was just focusing on my food, but was secretly watching the show )

then this show was about this guy who rebelled and then did some teen crime,

disappointed the mother, asked the mother to get him out of boys home,

then got caught for crime the next day.

i saw how disappointed the mother was,

i couldn't help it.

i teared while eating, and as an attempt to cover up, i quickly ran to the kitchen after i finish my food.

saw my mum holding tissue paper.

woah, those moments. i can't watch shows that involve family, those sad moments.

i just need those shows to make me go wild and start thinking all the :( :( stuff.

and then just now, read my friend's blog.

talked about his family.

my heart sank . like a titaniccc ~

okay, drama abit, but it felt that way.

sigh.

treasure everyone you know, before it's too late for you to do so.

for that, i shall remind myself to treat everyone well with respect and concern,

regardless the actions i got back in return.

okay, i try lah, no gurantee.

but those purposely piss me off one, that one is just asking for it.

i'm making effort to train my inner temperance and tolerance and .. aiya, don't know what word. haha

Shake ya by janet jackson is damn addictive.

it's been on replay on my iphone for errr,

past 1 hour ?!

tsk.

should go rest already.

good night people.

i miss you, k.

take care.

May 06

2.12 AM

howsun

how about this ?!
HOWSUN ROCK!
DON'T YOU AGREE ?! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SAY YEA !
howsun finish jotting down his notes at 10:55 AM

DAY & DATE : Tuesday, April 26, 2011

HMM ..
sometimes, do you do things to let other people see ?
you behave in certain way,
so that you to form an impression you wanted to form on the other person.
then, does that make you an attention seeking person ?
in the process, do you find that you actually use people to get your intention you're trying to achieve ?
indeed, that could be a selfish move.
but it's tough to try to avoid that, isn't it ?
hence, i understand.
-
i miss chengdu times with valeons.
i miss yunnan.
i miss hongkong.
i miss ho chih min and taiwan.
i need to get out of singapore.
even if i have to go ALONE , i don't mind.
in one year time, i'll run out of here for a holiday.
a good one.
-
listening to para para makes me want to go japan even more.
whether or not they been through disaster,
japan is always one of the country i love :)
-
i can't help it.
PMS is it ?
i don't know how come i just feel sad.
stupid shit,
i think about it ah, when i'm not in the 'living in my world' mood,
i'm like sad over stupid stuff leh.
friends going overseas and not like as if they not coming back.
they are leh, some monday, some friday, BUT WHY THE HECK I FEEL THIS WAY ?
-
absence,
makes the heart grow fonder.
some, you just want them to go away as far as possible.
some, you just want to see them at every opportunity.
when you fall into second category, be very careful,
because it's dependence.
and it's not good for health.
everything you do, every second, this person doesn't seem to disappear from the head.
-
i wonder when a person is nice,
is there a reason behind it ?
and when it's geniuene,
won't you have the initial doubt ?
won't that make you a skeptical person ?
it's just complicated.
i think i should never try to study human behavior next time,
i might just die, it's so complicated.
i couldn't even understand myself already. aiyoo.
-
why do people blog eh ?
say your feeling ?
an avenue to express your thoughts ?
publicize your life ?
really ?
could it be a channel to let others know what you are feeling ?
without being caught in the awkward situation where you don't really want to say it face to face.
yeah, then doesn't that makes you want to publicize your blog ?
no ?
haha.
-
i need to run.
don't you think you always have this mean to channel your energy, anger and excitement when you have to ?
i still don't know what's mine leh.
dance ? run ? inner tolerance ?
i think dance bah, maybe. haha.
i feel the wake-up call, reality-check and the truth,
when i see people fail, when i see people work harder,
never fail to give me a scare.
-
i think once you pass a certain phase of the same feeling,
you go numb,
and thats when you start to think back about the feelings you have.
and then, you feel like it's so dumb.
but when the feeling is 'fresh',
that's it.
it's either damn agonizing or damn shiok!
but it's always the former.
sigh.
haha, i'm so going towards the bullshit side.
i wonder how the angmohs are now.
and here i am, always at the other side of the world,
thinking of how the people on the other side are.
haha.
tsk tsk tsk.
-
songs,
aren't they perfect ?
sometimes, the lyrics just bring out what you're feeling.
besides that, it gives people a chance to dance, sing and perform.
also, it provides entertainment and for some, it's their life.
lyrics, now suitable for how am i feeling :
you belong with me
bad romance
haha, i thinking too much le lah.
and there are some songs which are just nice,
gives you a feeling you can't describe. happy + sad.
how to save a life
viva la vida
aiya, that's why i listen to para para songs now.
no emotions, just purely for dance.
haha, then won't think so much mah.
-
and and, i always want to know what people are thinking and feeling.
i sometimes get angry when i couldn't understand,
and i get angry at myself instead.
i get angry at myself when the other person doesn't show what they feel.
soo, to make things easier, can you tell me what are you thinking and feeling now ?
PLEASE ?
sigh.
ironically, i think i myself don't wanna let people know.
-
haha, then that brings me to another point.
IF,
if you dont mind and to let people know,
three types of people :
best friends,
person whom you want their attention.
geniuene cases of good friendship.
-
a person who doesn't talk about their family problems ,
doesn't mean they don't have.
it's just not serious.
a person who doesn't talk about their financial problems,
doesn't mean they don't have.
it's just not serious.
a person who doesn't talk about their life problems,
doesn't mean they don't have.
it's just not serious.
a person who doesn't talk about their health issues,
doesn't mean they don't have.
it's just that they might be too scared to find out what happen to them.
-
yesterday was my one year anniversary with the green uniform :)
haha, and it's so fast it has been one year already
my triangle plate is down :D
and it's already going to May.
i won't be shocked the next moment we will be in some university and some, working adults.
-
howsun
27 Apr 2011
1232 PM

how about this ?!
HOWSUN ROCK!
DON'T YOU AGREE ?! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SAY YEA !
howsun finish jotting down his notes at 7:13 PM

DAY & DATE : Monday, April 25, 2011

AIRPORT ..
my favourite place,
also the place i feel sad the most.
cause i like the feel being in the airport,
especially when you are the one going to fly.
by just looking at the airplane,
especially Singapore Airlines,
it just gives me the sense of satisfaction.
one that i couldn't describe with words.
then, it's also a place that has memories of sadness.
decy, adeline and those people i had to send off.
gadis, but thankfully she always come back safely.
Thank you.
and i never liked saying goodbye, i always want to have a see you soon,
better still, see you tomorrow!
but sometimes, certain things are just beyond your control.
people leave for the better, further studies or knowledge,
i wonder when is it my turn.
-
anyway, you would never know how good you are at something,
unless people start telling you by judging you right ?
or maybe it's just evident that you can see it for yourself.
well, apparently, i always think i'm never good enough at something,
not because i'm trying to get attention,
it's because i see there are people who are way better and more talented than me.
then, won't you start thinking 'what are you good at?'
i mean, people sometimes say, you don't have to be no.1 to be good,
as long as you're in the top band, you're good.
but what if you're not even at the top band ? O.O
hmm.
and i'm surprised by how i was seen by other people.
-
oh oh, i need my daily dosage of Gin's dance to feel inspired.
i just couldn't get my mind off that dance lah.
tsk.
it's just good.
-
don't you think,
that your heart is the hardest part of your body to please ?
haha, well, that's only if you are talking about relations lah.
but how come relations is like something that can make you so happy and so vexed at the same time ?
you know, in hokkien they call it 'tzek ak'
haha.
-
sometimes i ask myself.
are you who you are !?
do you pretend to be happy when you don't really feel happy ?
i'm not including the element of sadness here ah.
i'm saying you can be moody and moodless but you're just smiling, pretending to be happy.
do you ? do you ?
-
i don't like feeling attached.
unless it's mutual lah. doohhh~
but actually if it's mutual also not good,
cause will like live in own world.
then, it's like so dependent on another person.
and then when the another person doesn't meet the expectation you expected,
then you begin to feel sad.
thing is, you can't tell that person.
then you just take it alone loh.
how about that, when the other person live their life normally.
sian.
i don't like being in this phase where you can't help it,
but you just wait for replies.
hoping the next message you open is the one you expect,
waiting for messages and not doing anything,
and whenever i see anything related to you,
it calms me down. ease my mind.
addicted ? can say so.
-

soometimes, certain things are best remained as fantasy.

or imagination.

i was just thinking,

would you be in a one way relationship,

because you like this certain person,

but you clearly know he/she is after you for mere pleasure,

yet you still choose to be with this person,

because you just like this person, knowing there's no reciprocation.

would you ?

and i know why it's so difficult to let go of a relationship.

cause love is not something tangible.

anything involving feelings would require another level of comprehension.

and why the earth is everyone going overseas ?

aiksong, gadis, kenny, mum.

woahh.

sian.

you know, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

but absence also makes me go crazy.

gadis asked me whether i am not sick of her meh , see her everyday.

made me think,

is whether she find is sick to meet me, or ...

i don't know, i infer as that. but i know she doesn't mean anything bad lah.

aiyerrr.

i ran 8 km today.

neighbour say one.

i thought run to jp and back is 10km leh.

hmm. i run until leg 'nua'.

and GTO is a nice show. hehehe.

and maybe i should stop using anything that has the ability to connect with you

but i know i will just die inside my heart.

i know that won't work,

cause i will then go find you personally.

that's not good.

but with the technology,

i will wait for your message or call.

not good for howsun, not good.

okay, just stop expecting.

just stop hoping.

just stop thinking.

* haha, like as if it can be easily done, retard! *

howsun

26 Apr 2011

11.04 PM

how about this ?!
HOWSUN ROCK!
DON'T YOU AGREE ?! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SAY YEA !
howsun finish jotting down his notes at 8:18 PM

OPTIMISTIC

people would say :" these illness would not bring me down, i will fight it"

while me, on the other hand, whines like a mad dog.

i have ulcer, sore throat, cough, flu, running nose, mild fever that comes as and when they like,

feel like vomiting, and just lethargic.

sigh.

i'll be fine, TOMORROW!

i think it's bad.

there're just certain people that you just cannot fall for.

one is those who are attached.

two is those who doesn't know you at all.

it's just complicated lah.

i actually planned a whole shit of what i wanted to say in my mind,

but given the condition now that i'm in,

forget it.

i can't recall a single shit.

but bottomline was,

i feel so lousy.

and aiya.

it sucks when you always have to love silently.

and that when you feel you're the one giving more.

oh well.

waiting for reply, hoping for reply, trying ways to meet.

i need my dosage of Grey's Anatomy! :(

howsun

25 Apr 2011

8.31 PM

how about this ?!
HOWSUN ROCK!
DON'T YOU AGREE ?! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SAY YEA !
howsun finish jotting down his notes at 5:25 AM

DAY & DATE : Saturday, April 23, 2011

I ...

yes, it's about me!

hahah, selfish hor!?

too bad lah, move on.

i should stop falling for people who are attached lah.

damn, it's worse than no one to fall in love with.

cause you get yourself obsessed over this person,

knowing that things won't happen

yet you still try to be together with that person.

worse is when you can't let go.

damn man. haha.

nah, just a random thought lah.

anyway, i think i felt better after sleeping.

goodness, my body can scare me quite a bit.

now, i occasionally start scaring myself with what i see on my body.

then when you start thinking about those circumstances which relates to death.

aiyo, CHOI CHOI CHOI!

i think death is the scariest shit .

and, thing is, we are all born to experience death, eventually.

it's just like school, national service and work and adulthood, then you have death.

something everyone will go through regardless of WHOEVER YOU ARE!

hmm.

howsun

24 Apr 2011

11.47 AM

how about this ?!
HOWSUN ROCK!
DON'T YOU AGREE ?! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SAY YEA !
howsun finish jotting down his notes at 8:40 PM

NICE ..

body malfunctioning soon.

i can feel the fever coming.

i am currently dating Mr. Sore Throat, Mr. Flu and his mistress, Ms. Running Nose.

then the Mr. Headache also want to date me.

I feel sooooo popular. RIGHT.

woah, but i still went down to play badminton with my

SUPER BADMINTON ALL STAR SENIOR CITIZEN!

aka MUM. haha.

she damn zai please. getting better and better.

she can now hit balls i cannot catch. seriously leh.

i got a shock you know. haha.

anyway, yesterday was GOOD FRIDAY!

it was a GOOD day, because i feel so relieve meeting my Golf Platoon 1 people for movie.

Source Code was good!

too intellectual for me lah! haha, i end up getting confused.

then i felt like a bimbo trying so hard to catch the story in the movie. haha.

but oh well.

nice time spent.

especially at TAO HUAY! :D hahaha.

nice nice nice.

the last minute went to watch Scre4m. It's scary, FOR ME.

haha, but i damn sian when people trying to find out who was screaming all the while.

it was me lah, but hello, horror movie you don't scream meh ?

plus, we are watching Scre4am leh doooodes.

sigh.

I am a very skeptical person.

when people say nice things to me, i always doubt it,

and secretly, i always have a part of me which feels like they are laughing behind me,

if i acknowledge the nice things they said.

okay, i am not feeling very well,

but i still have things to say.

let's leave it to next time okay,

i think it's the screen i'm staring too long that makes me sick :(

but i doubt it lah.

oh oh, i hardly fall sick.

but when i do, that's it.

SUPER COMBO those very serious kind one.

and i can feel it coming.

and, have you guys hear before the Green Ping Pong Ball joke ?! :D

WAHLAO EH, i got put colour just now one loh. then now the colours gone.

NEVER MIND, i put again!

howsun

23 Apr 2011

7.10 PM

how about this ?!
HOWSUN ROCK!
DON'T YOU AGREE ?! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SAY YEA !
howsun finish jotting down his notes at 4:01 AM

DAY & DATE : Thursday, April 21, 2011

OLD AND DUSTY!
trying to revive this.
apparently, i happened to SUDDENLY remember my almost non-existence blog yesterday.
and i came back, started reading my latest post.
haha, surprisingly, i was a little shock to read back what i typed back then.
it's like a little .. you know, okay, i can't think of the word.
and and and, haha, i realised i often say how i was tired and always pardon myself for the inconsistent flow.
and today, it would not be any different,
because i just got initiated, for whatever reason, you don't have to know.
but yes, i drank 3 mugs of beer, (gosh, don't beer! just stick to alcohol)
and i was like in my own world, swaying left and right, on the verge of 'merlion'-ing.
well, today was a special night. haha.
recently, have been trying to get myself into the feeling of the working world.
i can imagine how working life would be, this demanding and tiring. horrible.
okay, really, the flow is just not there. pardon me okay. currently still in the 'seh' mood.
many things happened.
i like thinking alone, to myself.
sometimes i wonder, do you really need to speak up your opinion ?
i don't really know the answer to myself.
i was thinking to this question but i came to no conclusion.
anyway, i always think inside my head.
then i would start challenging myself, like as if another person was talking to me.
just to make sure i don't sound stupid if i have to speak my opinion out.
worse part is, when you realised you debated with yourself inside your head,
and end up realising you lost to yourself in your own hyped up debate inside your head.
that's just sad. :(
and sometimes, when someone or a group talks or reviews about a certain performance,
and when they point out the results that you didn't contribute by failing,
don't your heart just goes sour and umph ?! :(
haha, anyway.
i want to be good in something.
i want to be achiever.
i always say that but i do nothing about it.
i want to be, so that when i'm not, i can see the difference.
i know how two sides feel.
-
i think learning needs maturity.
it's something that you cannot teach.
sometimes you just need the maturity to gain that level of understanding,
to get the underlying purpose of certain issues and things.
then how do you gauge one's learning ?
through results ? display of character ?
tangible or intangible ?
if you are looking for the intangible indicator of one's success,
you must then, accept the fact that you've got nothing to PROVE your success.
-
assumption is not always good.
you assume because you have an impression that certain people have the ability to carry out certain things accordingly.
but what if your impression wasn't right ? what if it's tainted ?
then your judgement becomes blur.
do you get more paranoid and places less trust on people because you don't trust your judgement anymore?
does that make you less credible in giving opinion ?
why limit the praises you give ? be generous with it.
it helps people to improve :)
-
some failure have a high price to pay.
-
i'm currently hooked to new types of songs.
i like dance.
gin's dance is FWAH AWESOME! :)
and hmm, kumar's is good! as usual! :D
-
howsun
220411
1.11 AM

how about this ?!
HOWSUN ROCK!
DON'T YOU AGREE ?! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SAY YEA !
howsun finish jotting down his notes at 9:22 AM